A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality

by Joseph Nicolosi


Preface to Turkish Edition

The father, who called us tearfully for his 14-year-old son was screaming; “My son is only 14 years old, how can he be gay?” The family applied to a doctor in Istanbul and after a 15-minute interview, While the doctor was saying to the father; “This is your son’s sexual identity; you will accept him that way, homosexuality is innate and as normal as heterosexuallity”, told to boy that he had no choice but to accept this. Thereupon, the father said, “My son did not have a relationship with a male person. This is a feeling that he had to explain to me as I caught him watching gay porn on the internet. Also my son told me that he likes women too, he’s just confused. Since I am a long haul driver, I could not be at home much; my son spent more time with his mother and sister, could he be influenced by them? ” he asked. The doctor sent them back by saying, “there is nothing to do, you’ll admit this condition.

This book in your hand (A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality  by Joseph Nicolosi) is a guidebook written in order to equip parents who feel completely helpless when they notice the homosexual tendencies of their children and who are sometimes confused by the strange comments of some doctors they refer to, on such a sensitive subject. The most comprehensive and satisfying study where you can find answers to questions such as -“Is homosexuality really a congenital condition?”, “Is homosexuality destiny ?”-is the resource book called A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. This guide has been prepared in order to increase the skills of people who have the problem to cope with the gender disorders and to contribute to the capacity of parents to understand the problem by discussing in detail the ways of reinforcing the psychological conditions, tendencies and gender identity of children in the pre-homosexual stage, with examples from the client cases. The most extensive and effective source of information about gender identity disorder is the case stories the book contains on this subject. In the book named “A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality”, case stories are included in accordance with ethical rules, and it is aimed to establish the previous life experiences and the knowledge gained from these experiences. The argument that homosexuality is an innate genetic condition has long been attempted by many physicians and homosexual lobbies to impose it on both society and homosexuals. However, there is no accepted scientific data regarding the biological or genetic origin of homosexuality. Cases in the book A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality are important in terms of showing how unfounded this argument is. Homosexuality is defined differently by many physicians. Today, among physicians, there are two approaches to homosexuality: the first one is that homosexuality is a third sex and it is not a condition that requires treatment, the second is that homosexuality is a disease and that it should be treated. This dichotomy necessarily brings about polarization and inevitably debate. The handling of homosexuality in international disease diagnosis systems such as DSM-IV-TR and ICD-10 is important in terms of demonstrating the polarization we have discussed above. Homosexuality was considered as a disorder until the 1970s, according to the DSM-IV diagnostic system. Until the 1970s, this diagnosis was a reason for the use of medical, psychological or completely inhumane practices for homosexual people under the name of treatment out of their choice.

When it was accepted that homosexuality was not a disease in the DSM-IV, homosexual people or the homosexual lobby found great peace. However, the problem was not completely resolved in this way. The problem of “being a gay or not”, “I’m a gay or not”; it still continues both in society and for a considerable part of homosexuals. In our opinion, ICD-10’s approach to homosexuality is more correct; more guidance for sexual therapists and people with this problem. Homosexuality in ICD-10; it is discussed under the name of mental and behavioral disorders related to sexual development and orientation with the code of F66 and includes the phrase “sexual orientation by itself should not be considered as a disorder”. Homosexuality, heterosexuality or bisexuality has been used to indicate for the coexistence of homosexuality with conditions such as sexual maturation disorder, ego-distonic sexual orientation and gender identity disorder, It is needed that the person consider these conditions as a problem. So, when It is looked into this interpretation of ICD-10, it will be seen that some types of homosexuality are accepted as a mental problem. Every situation about human health can be discussed, so homosexuality is not an indisputable taboo or dogma. While a group of mental health professionals tended to treat homosexuality as an unchangeable condition; a group of mental health professionals also view homosexuality as a disease. Mental health professionals in Turkey should try to develop  their own scientific vision about homosexuality in an analogous manner to the example of American and Europe. This view should not be defined by sharp points such as “Homosexuality is a disease or not”.As in all disorders,to make such a polarized assessment would be a great injustice to people in a wide range of “normal” to “psychopathology” and “homosexual fantasy” to “homosexual act”. Homosexuality is not a single and fixed condition, it has many subtypes and should not be treated as a single structure. Homosexuals, who are in subtypes, seek treatment and can be treated if they wish. Homosexuality, which should be considered as a social problem in the boundaries of protective mental health, is not a choice, but having a homosexual relationship is a choice. Homosexuality is not an orientation that naturally exists in humans. It is a situation that develops with social learning or improper education due to childhood traumas, abuses and negligence. The common point of homosexuals is their early childhood experiences that include faulty parental attitudes, neglect, abuse, emotional and physical trauma. In other words, homosexuality is a condition that often occurs at the end of a difficult and painful process. Therefore, it is very important to understand the causes of homosexuality and to prevent its spread. In the literature, no person was encountered who grew up in a healthy and happy family environment and who was not exposed to any trauma but lived a homosexual life. But not everyone who has traumatic early childhood experiences such as abuse, and neglect becomes gay because the issue is not about exposure to trauma, but how that trauma is internalized. On the other hand, it is an indisputable fact that every homosexual person has an early childhood life involving traumas, abuse, and neglect. For this reason, parent training, pre-marital sexual counseling and guidance services, and books such as A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality are urgently needed . People who want to overcome their  homosexual tendencies are ignored by the rapidly spreading gay rights movements around the world. The homosexuals who want to be treated and whose numbers reach considerable numbers are deprived of the opportunities to receive support or therapy. As in the case we mentioned at the beginning of our preface, some physicians and sexual therapists even reject homosexual patients who are disturbed by their experiences and seek treatment by saying, “This is your sexual preference, we cannot change it or there is no cure for homosexuality.” Thus, the right to access and benefit from health care, which is one of the most fundamental human rights issues, is also violated. However, despite these, we see that people who suffer from homosexual tendencies, impulses, feelings and behaviors, who feel anxiety and who want to be treated are increasingly seeking treatment. Being mentally and physically healthy is a natural human right. Everyone can lose their mental health and well-being, get sick due to many factors, including some behaviors that they do either knowingly or unknowingly, and they want to be treated. The “right to treatment” is a universal human rights issue. This right can be offered to people who volunteer for treatment with the understanding of “start a brand new life”. Understanding the causes of homosexuality, receiving the support of the family, meeting the need for non-sexual and healthy relationships with the same gender, and healing the childhood wounds that cause homosexuality seem to be the most appropriate steps to be taken on the road to change. Studies in the USA show that 20% of men and 18% of women have homosexual tendencies. According to the Homosexuality Survey conducted by the Association of Sexual Health Institute (CİSED); The rate of homosexuality in our country appears to be around 12%. However, considering the sensitivity of the subject and the number of hidden homosexuals, this rate is likely to be higher. This expansion can be considered as an indicator of the increase in freedoms, as well as a sign of the deterioration of the Turkish family structure. This is a warning sign and should not be ignored. Media and non-governmental organizations, especially our universities, the Presidency of Religious Affairs, the Ministry of Health and the Ministry of Family Affairs, should acknowledge the reality of homosexuality. Because homosexuality has been compared to the story of  “The Emperor’s New Clothes” who wears a dress that is claimed to be seen only by the smart, and has been almost tabooed. Joseph Nicolosi’s book,named Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, sounded like the voice of the boy shouting “The King is naked.”        

In recent years, everyone, especially mental health professionals, intellectuals, and the media, have tried to sew an attractive dress from invisible fabric for homosexuality, as if they were unanimous. In fact, media members, clergy, mental health professionals and the public were also aware that homosexuality did not have such a magical dress. In other words, everybody saw that the king was naked and said by word of mouth; however if the dress could be sewn, it would look so beautiful on the king that everyone chose to pretend to believe in this mutual lie. Admiration phrases about homosexuality such as “Homosexuality is the third gender”, “Homosexuality is a preference”, “Homosexuality is an innate genetic condition”, “Homosexuality is not a disease” were poured out. Those who prefer ideological approach to a scientific issue, did not want to take the real picture of the king, that is, homosexuality. Those who saw that the king did not have any clothes on, preferred to remain silent in order not to be put in the place of “bigot, stupid, outdated, homophobic” or even “secret homosexual”. But in reality the “king was naked” … Therefore, it takes courage to write a book about homosexuality that no one dares to argue about and quietly share ideas behind closed doors. Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi demonstrated this courage with the book A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality, which they wrote together. Kaknüs Publishing showed the same courage by presenting this work to the Turkish people. This courage displayed by them will put parents’ mind at rest, who are closely experiencing this problem. Well, if about one out of every ten people in our country has a problem of homosexuality, did these people voluntarily become homosexual? Now, it is the time to ask this question to ourselves and wrestle with our consciences.



Chairman of Sexual Health Institute Association (CİSED)