EARLY CHILDHOOD SIGNALS OF MALE HOMOSEXUALITY AND POINTS TO BE CONSIDERED FOR PREVENTION
There is no accepted scientific knowledge that homosexuality is an innate biological or genetic condition. As in many researches, no genetic anomaly or similarity was found in genetic studies conducted on 70 homosexual men in a study conducted at the University of Carolina. Homosexuality is not an orientation that naturally exists in human. It is a situation developed with social learning or wrong education due to parent attitudes, emotional and physical traumas, occupations and negligence in early childhood.
Some children are born with a sensitive and delicate build. This nature causes them to avoid extreme masculine activities to some extent. These children need support from their parents and friends to develop a solid masculine identity. If this need is not met, he ceases to identify with his father and the masculinity represented by his father, that is, from being like a father, from being a man, both because of his own temperament and family dynamics. Thus, the child rejects his masculinity by developing a defensive position against his emerging masculinity instead of including his masculine self-characteristics in his identity. Then he goes in search of what he rejects and falls in love with the owners of what he lacks (masculine traits). The main thing that is sought after is the father’s embracing, fatherly arms.
Some features of the father pose a risk for the early age male child for the formation of homosexuality. Fathers who are not mature enough to bear the responsibility of a family and children, narcissistic fathers, and fathers who are inadequate in social relations and therefore cannot establish a warm-lively relationship with their son, can be effective in the development of effeminate behaviors in them because they cannot be a model for their sons. The father’s too much criticism of his son can be perceived by the child as the father’s rejection of him, which causes the child to approach the mother.
The main reason behind homosexuality is a family structure where the mother has a weak and limited relationship with her husband and tries to meet her emotional needs through her son. There is a close emotional bond between mother and son. The only place where the child can take shelter and relieve his pain when he is in trouble, is the mother’s arms. Relationship with the father, on the other hand, is disconnected and critical. The father is mostly absent, or when he is around, there is no communication between him and his son, meaning the father has neither value nor sufficient communication to be modeled by his son. Thus, the mother-son forms a dual structure and the father remains outside this structure. This mother-son bond is normal in infancy, but may pose a risk for the boy to adopt masculine characteristics in later years. An effective father should break this bond and serve as a healthy tampon in between the two. Mothers give birth to boys, fathers make them male.
Effeminate behaviors in children can begin to manifest at a very early age. Preferring girls rather than boys or younger children to play, engaging in girl-child activities, using mother’s make-up materials, avoiding and disliking activities that require physical strength and male interests, trying to use his voice in a babyish, high-pitched way, admiring girl cartoon characters, taking on girl roles in games, focusing on girl drawings in their paintings and drawing these drawings too extravagant, flashy, wanting to wear girls’ clothes, wishing to be a girl (or wishing to be a girl cartoon hero) etc. Although these behaviors can be accepted as a bit normal in certain developmental periods, if these attitudes and behaviors are the general attitude of the child, if they are not temporary but permanent, if they are repeated throughout the day rather than in certain periods of the day, and if he exhibits these attitudes and behaviors only at home or in certain environments and situations, it is required that the family seek help from an expert. Symptoms usually manifest themselves in early childhood (especially between the ages of 2 and 6), and these children are excluded by their male peers during the school period and experience emotional problems. It is possible to clarify the seriousness of the problem with an evaluation by an expert (clinical interview, free play observation, rorschach test, drawing tests, etc.). The sooner the possible risks are intervened, the more effective the results can be. In late cases, the treatment process can be both longer and more painful.
Parents who become aware of the effeminate behavior of their children go through approximately three stages:
Denial; at this stage, they think that these behaviors are only a developmental stage and that he will overcome,
Confusion; inability to decide whether these behaviors of the child are normal or not due to conflicting information obtained from different sources,
Avoidance; refraining from intervening or asking for help even though they see and notice the effeminate behavior of the child.
Points to consider;
Mothers should of course have a warm lively relationship with their children, but this relationship should not be overly intimate and unhealthy attachment to meet the mother’s own emotional needs that cannot be met by her partner. Sometimes, the mother can be overprotective and prevent her son from spending time with the father because of the fear that he might be harmed (because the weather is cold, he may hurt himself with tools, etc.). This type of exaggerated maternal affection can lead to the boy being mocked and ostracized by his peers and the child to isolate himself from his friends.
The mother should constantly affirm the manhood of her son and emphasize this whenever suitable environments are available. (Men play with cars instead of babies, let’s buy a nice toy car for you, etc.) Even if the father cannot spend enough time with his son for various reasons, the mother should preserve the image of a good, strong, masculine father in the eyes of the child, remind that the authority of the house is the father as a man, and it should be stated that his son can be a strong, masculine family leader in the future just like his father. If it is not possible for the father to spend time with the child, there should be a model (brother, older cousin, uncle or uncle, etc.) that can support the child’s interests, be a model for him, and spend time with him.
The father should try to reveal the masculine side in him by playing games like wrestling with his son, he should be defeated from time to time in these games and give him the message “Look, you are a really strong man, you beat me”, and from time to time he should beat him giving him the message “Look, as your father I am a strong man, when you grow up, you can become a strong man like me”.
When the father is bathing, he should sometimes take his young son with him (even, the father can be responsible for the bathing activities of the child as much as possible and they can take a bath together every now and then), so that he perceives the anatomical differences between men and women, the intimacy between men and women (you are a man so you should have a bath with your father, girls bathe with their mother) should help him understand.
Even for very simple and routine errands outside the home (going to the market, repairs, etc.), the father should invite his son to participate in these activities and suggest that they spend time together (Come, boy, let’s go, man to man and do this, and the girls can cook at home).
While the child is slowly removed from the girls’ toys, boys’ toys and gifts that may be of interest should be bought.
The person who will put the child in bed at bedtime should be the father. Mothers can also participate in this event, but the last person to turn off the light and say good night should be the father.
It should be ensured that he has male friends that he can get along with. Families with sons of the same age should be seen more often, and these friends should be invited home by organizing various events (birthday, study, game time).
Parents should make their children feel that they are happy with him being a boy (especially families wishing to have baby girls) and convey that being a boy is a good thing.
Children with effeminate behavior may not want to participate in such father and son activities at first. The father should understand this, not give up, and persuade him to spend time with him in line with the interests of the child. Progress in the child can be two steps forward and one step back, parents should be patient and continue the process in the same way.
Most importantly, both from the point of view of the mother and the father, the message should be given to the child, “we love and accept you no matter what,” and parents should be able to convey their love sufficiently. They should make appropriate and timely criticism in a constructive and restorative manner, avoiding offensive, hurting criticism. The child’s masculine behaviors should be rewarded, their effeminate behavior should be ignored as much as possible, or attention should not be focused on these behaviors through appropriate stimulation.
In all these processes, the assistance of an expert should be sought to provide the necessary support to the parents and to support the mental health of the child.
Nicolosi J., Nicolosi L. A. (2011). Teen Homosexuality Prevention Guide for Parents. Kaknus Publications
Kenneth J. Zucker,Susan J. Bradley, (1995). Gender Identity Disorder and Psychosexual Problems in Children and Adolescents. The Guilfort Press.
All rights of the article titled “Early Childhood Signals of Male Homosexuality and Points to Be Considered in Prevention” belongs to its author Uzm.Psk.Şükriye KARAHAN and the article was published by its author in the library of TavsiyeEdiyorum.com (http://www.tavsiyeediyorum.com).